WTF!!!!!

I have sarted taking steps to become catholic, and one of my friends is catholic or should i say a non-practising catholic its kinda like a utah morman(no offance members from utah) but anywho he has been taking me to church every sunday and he doesnt really enjoy it but goes because he likes me. and im not just being bigheaded, he asked me to prom and the saydie hawkens dance in the SAME DAY AND SENTANCE. but back to my story he went to his dad's last weekend and this is what they said.
Dad- so whats with you and this girl your taking to church

Him- im justing helping her out she is joining the church

Dad- are you getting anything out of it

Him- no i just wanna help her

Dad- well i think you should get something from her like sex or at least a blow job
WTF! what kind of dad is this what am i now a whore, instead of money i want to be taken to church. then he actually thought about maybe he should get something. What the hell why do people think im a whore uh i hate guys!! i need a break im going to have a straw and a black cherry vanilla coke and chill out

Waiting for Cash

A little late but i have some exciting news IM GANNA BE AN AUNT. my sister michelle is pregnant with her first shes ganna have a little boy named cash in may. this is my parents first grandchild and we are all very very excited.
when she told us the name we were all kinda like um cash? and shes like yeah like johny cash i tried to explian to her that cash was his last name not his first name but he more i think about it the more it sounds ok so i am ganna have a nephew name Cash David.
Yesterday she called my mom because she was having a bad day she said she was cranky and just plain having a bad day she asked my mom whats wrong with me and my mom was like um your pregnant. so heres what we were all waiting for and i know little miss will like this here are pictures this is an old picture of little cash

my sister and her husband my prego sister

Moving on is hard to do

I hate coming to relazations. Yesterday i went prom shopping with my mom. i had this whole plan that mike was coming down for prom(hes my ex of three and 1/2 yrs and live in nj) so we found this really pretty dress its white and a holter top, it has a bunch of beady things and the skirt slpit so on part of it is silky and the other part is like flowy stuf i bet that doesnt make any sence
so we bought the dress cuz you know when yu find something at the store and you really like it and it looks good so you have to get it, and it doesnt help when your mom and everyone else in the dressing room is looking at you say how good you look. so we spent $204 on the dress and a jacket thingy.
When we got home kate my sister went to her friends and my parents went to the temple (LDS thing) so i was left home alone. after smoking 1 or 2 ciggerettes ya i know i broke but ive been really stressed lately. i decided to pop in Breakfast a tiffany's love that movie!


so while watching the movie a decided to put on my new dress. nothing like watching a good old fashion romance and siting in a prom dress that looks like a wedding dress. then i started thinking about what prom was ganna be like and i got really sad. i thought wow tats ganna be really hard going to prom with the guy that i loved. then i thought wow its not that i DID love him but i DO love him. that scares the hell of me.
i spent 2 of the five years we have known eachother jsut trying to get over him and i was pretty sure i had. i texted little miss this is part of our convo

me -part of me still wants him but i dunno

Little miss- and part of you will allways still want him you just have to be grateful for the times you had and continue to pray for acceptance of the situation and for closure.

me- i dont want to want him i just wanna be friends and have no fellings like that .

Little miss- sweetie that is an unrealistic expectation. just accept the fact you will allways have feelings for this man and stop trying to deny your self thosefeelings. the sooner you stop pretending the sooner you can accept and move on.

wow i thought i had moved on but i guess not and i think a part of me doesnt want to move on i just wanna hang on to him because im scared scared of what i dunn, maybe being alone maybe of having to start all over agian with someone and risk the rejection when he learns my past i dunno all i know is im scared to be with out him




These are all pictures of me and mike the firat two are when i went to nj in december and the other one is when we first started dating in like '01 or something like that
so to sum it up im not sure i want to move on its hard

5 songs to make you happy

so having a very bad day at work i sing song to myself to make me happy and here they are....

1. c is for cookies by the cookie monster - ya know the song he sing "C is for cookie thats good enough for me" justs make me want to eat cookies and damce
2. love to see you smile by onelinedrawing- you prob havent herd it but it is awsome. http://www.jonahmatranga.com/ the bands website. great band
3. down town- i love this song it just makes me so happy it makes me wanna dance and then it gets stuck in my head.
4. dont worry be happy- loooove it what can i saw thats just great and the video robin williams great.
5. ice ice baby - one of those songs that is so bad it is good strange huh

so hope you like my songs and they can make you happy leave you with this

When your alone and life is making you loney you can always go DOWNTOWN

when you got worries all the noise and the hurry seem to help i know DOWNTOWN

Just listen to the music of the traffic in the cityLinger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty

How can you lose?

Life after high school

So im going to graduate in may wow thats not to far away, it kinda freaks me out to think about that. i feel like now i have to grow up and part of me wants to be free and indepenant from my parents and the other part is scared to leave and be on my own. i feel like everyone in my class knows what they are going to do with their life like what school they are going to and what they are majoring in. me on the other hand i have no clue on what i want to do with my life, there are things i think about about but i dont know if i would actualy want to do that for the rest of my life. I think part of my problem is that for most of my high school "life" i was with one guy MIKE (the infamouse mike im sure you will hear about him more later) but i know it sounds stupid but i allways figured that we would get married so when we broke up the final time this year it kinda turned my life upside down. i had always planed my life as if i would be with him. so i just feel lost because i dont know what i want in my life and i feel like everyone is asking me what im ganna do after high school, and i just wanna scream i have no f*@$%^#$ idea what i want to do with my life. all i know is that i want a job that i will be happy doing and that the year after high school im ganna work just work and play with little miss's kids i love them so much. Here are some of my ideas im thinkiing maybe a secratary, maybe the coast gaurd(great benifits) maybe some type of medical thing like a nurse at a docs. office. maybe a cosomotoligts i dont know blah i just feel so lost i just wish that someone would tell me this is what you need to do.
Speaking of the coast gaurd i was talking to mike(we are still really close friends) and he is going to the coast gaurd and yesterday he found out that he can join the coast gaurd. But he has a slight problem he has a 16 year old girlfriend and he 18 but he is going to leave for basic trianing and just going to be in there before she is out of high school. so i was trying to make him feel better so just joking around i said do you want me to blog abput it and he was like yeah that shooked me. so mike wants to know what should he do because he doesnt want to get into a serious relationship with her if hes ganna just leave and they would most likely break up or just stay with her and wait it out and possibly get his heart broken. so if you could please say something about this.

Memo to my sectrary

To my lovley and wonderful sectrary(aka little miss):
(should have hade you proof this the spell check wont work now everyone will see that i cant spell, damn!)
Thank you for everything you do for me you bring me muffins, coffee and 1 L bottles of coke when im in school. You are very good at the phones like when you call my mom and ask her if you can take me out of school or when you call my mom and ask her to bring me a plain white jacket because the uniform nazis took mine. You are truely the world BEST secratary, i dont know what on earth i would do with out you. thank you for everything esp. that 1L of coke when i had a major headache. So like i said you need a raise you tell me when you want to go to Quiznos and we will get you that raise.
P.S. too bad we dont have one of those intercome thingys that would be way cool
- um little miss can you call my mom and ask her if she can bring me a white jacket because those @$#* @^#&%$* @%%$^*&# took mine
Hah love you, your greatly apreshated!

The TV lies!!!

So while my parents were watching boston legal i was blogging about a bad day at work then thought that this was a better topic at leat for now. So they were watching boston legal which is full of sexaul humor, and a couple was in the elavator and of course wanted to have sex or something in there so they pressed the emergancy stop button. when this happened in the show it made me think, ya know that really isnt what its like for 1) kissing in an elevator- Ive tried making out in one and its really hard because the damn doors keep opening. 2)stop an elevator- and as for trying to stop one so you can _______(insert your own word) it doesnt just stop. ive tried pressing that oh so insiting buttton, however not while trying to make out just for the fun of it i was with my sister you can ask her. but anyway when you push it it does stop it however what the neglect to tell /show on the tv is that it makes a VERY loud siren type niose. it scared the hell out of me. but if you press it agian after it has gone off it will stop and keep moving. LESSON: DO NOT TRY AND STOP AN ELEVATOR BY PUSHING THE STOP BUTTON!
Another thing the tv or movies a guess lie about is mental hospitals. I was watching Girl Interrupted the other night(great movie you should watch it) and if you dont know its about a girl who has BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) and trys to kill herself by taking a bottle of asprin and chasing it with rum. so anyway she ends up ina mental hospital and they make this hospital look all nice and everything. and the people who have that privalige can go all over the grounds of the hospital and they sneek out during the night and get into the doc office to see thier chatrs and then go bowling in the basement. Now im not saying this is a bad moving becasue i love it but what im saying is that that is all bullshit! Now i have been in three inpatient hospitals and only one of them was nice b/c it was in NJ and people there had money, But the two other places one in PHilly and the other one here they werent nice. They were dirty and cramped and just kinda scary. And as for going anywhere that doesnt happen,however this movie did take place in the 60's however i dont think they were dumb enough to let "crazy" people go allover the place with no gaurd and no fence. All the ones u was in the two in philly in nj you could leave the ward but you had to be with the other people and a staff member, and be either going somewhere they told you you were going. And the hole sneeking around thing total BS. there is no way they could have gotton away with that plus Docs door are allways locked and so are their files, and do i really need to say anything about the bowling in the basement in the middle of the night(didnt think so )but is a good movie you should rent it. i give it 2 thumbs way up . (however if you are LDS or are affendined by people say the "F WORD" about 100 times then this movie is not for you. )

my kitty

this is my baby. my sister wanted to put a stuffed aninamals hat on him. and once agian no fat comments you will hurt his feelings and mine. thank you

My man or should i say men

After recently ending a pretty long relationship or should i say after it ending on me, i rally missed have a man to call my own. so i decided i needed i new man. after looking around my school i relized why look there, there is no one good there. so after looking allover the place i reilized i alread have two wonderful men. Bud-duh(did i spell it right little miss) and M. These are the loves of my life right now.

Bud-duh- he is so cute and he never fails to get bery excited when im over. and he is very considerit he always tells me what is happening incase im lost what is happeing in the movie we are watching, for example "look miss lizzes spirit is falling". see what would i do with out him. And after all he is so cute how can risist hi cubby checks. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!

M- I bet you are all wondering what or who is M. WELL HERE HE IS. this is my baby one of my loves, my kitty. i have had him for about 5 o 6 years now and i love him to death. he always makes me feel like im needed, like when he needs to go outside or come back in or the most often thing im need for to feed him. please no fat cat jokes i dont like to call him fat is is just big boned or chubby

well that all i have to say and i love my men.

ok well the picture thing is pissing me off and takin too long so i will post it later until you see it just ignore that part about calling him fat and here he is ok thanks. ahhhhhh today is not my day

Sorry we dont take Discover

So last night little miss and i went to hooters to celabrate my one week of not smoking(ive been craving wings all week). so we get there and they are having wednesday triva. which is where this guy with a very annoying voice asks random triva question and you can win prizes. we werent sure we were ganna stay because of this stupid triva game but after talking to the manager we decided to stay and eat. we sat outside which wasnt to bad cuz we could barely hear the guy asking the question. we also got entertainment because the table behind us was playing and was getting very into it. so as we finish eat we get the check it sat on the table for a while then the manager came and was talking to us agian . he asked us if it was too bad it wasnt it was kinda nice infact. but when little miss got out her card to pay he was like um we dont take discover cards. as she nerviously rumaged through here purse she discovered that she didnt have any cash or a nother credit card. and of course i was broke and didnt have any money . we were pretty sure they were ganna make us wash dishes or something, she just kinda giggled and were like yeah we dont have a way to pay for this. He just kinda looked at us then looked at the bill since it was only like $10 at the most he said that he would pay for it. then little miss pulled $4 in quarter(FROM HER THE MONEY HER FOUR YEAR OLD ASKED HER TO KEEP FOR HER) to tip the waitress. im so glad he was fliterting with little miss because i hate washing dishes. I aked the manager if this was one of the strangest things to happen to him he was like no i had to stop people from haveing sex in the bathroom once, why you would want to have sex in a hooters bathroom is beyond me if your that horny go do it in your car not a bathroom yuck! So we said we would come back later and pay him back but he said we didnt have to do that as long as we came back and brought other people with us. so i guess all and all it was a pretty interesting night for us, i have never had that happen. we laughed all the way home. my parents thought it was pretty funny too.

High school sucks ass

i hate high school very very much. i used to love school when i lived in NJ now im down here and now i loath getting up in the morning. i have to wear i freaking uniform in a damn public school what the hell is that about. what difference does it make if my sweatshirt is bright orange(my old high school's hoddie) and not gray, black , or white. is it ganna lower my test score if im not wearing a belt or those god afoul IDs around my neck, probalbly not. and teachers here omg teachers here are an a major power trip um hello your teaching high school math in freaking Louisiana of all places(by the way this state is in the bottom 10 for us test scores that something to be proud of.) And then there are those teachers who allways tell me how smart i am and when i dont get an A or B on something there like "aw lizz you could have done so much better is something going on at home, no well you need to study i expect better from you" OMG i just wanna say SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE I M DOING MY BEST MAYBE I JUST DONT GET THIS THING. wow i have a lot of anger maybe it has to do with the fact that i forgot to put on my nicotine patch this morning
so everything is pissing me off today.While on the subject of me quitting today is my ONE WEEK mark im so surprised that i made it this far. but it has its draw back like have gained almost ten pounds from quitting in a week.My friends tell me i needed to put on weight anyway, but thats a whole nother post in its self
so to end the lovely rank i would like to say whoever said high school is the best four years of your life was a lair and full of shit thank you for letting me rant now im tired so im done